Knock, Knock

I'm at your door step, hoping you'll hear me.

I keep making excuses... maybe your in the shower. playing a video game. listening to music.

So I wait.... I've been waiting too long

Its getting cold but I have hope.

Hope......

So I wait... I knock... I wait...

But at some point I have to give up

I can't stay here forever.

I knock more loudly.

Please listen.

.

It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

It could happen...

Today I was randomly thinking about an old customer I use to help at WAMU back in Oxnard. Being a teller I always helped him frequently and after about 6 months I noticed he kept having trouble balancing his account. I remember asking what had happened and he explained.

He said that he was a teacher at a local school and he had a weird pain in his arm at work one day but he decided not to report it. It ended up being a tendon in his arm that he had to go get surgery for. His workers comp. wouldn't cover it and on top of that he was unable to pay for his care for his mother and was on the verge of losing his home.

I frequently think of this guy because he was in a good situation he had a good job, a good home and just because of all the medical bills he was losing everything he ever worked for. I always hope things would have worked out for him but you never know. People tend to forget that everything we THINK we have can be taken away. Life brings on obstacles and our plan for life may not always work out.

Sky

The sky is blue which is a fact, but it also is red orange and purple... Sunrise and Sunset............ If I say its red, orange or even purple people tend to stare.. but I see the sky for more then the blueness of the average day, but more for its memorable hellos and goodbyes.

So even if I say the sky is red.. I'll hear "no its blue" but I chose to remember it for what is most preciouse to me. Its sweet goodbyes with a love or a friend.. a closing day... a new begining......

Dreams

I have vivid dreams and sometimes of things I choose to not think about in my daily life. But the truth is that there is no escaping these nightly realizations. For some reason dreams amaze people:we search for meaning within these dreams. Maybe I should keep a dream journal and maybe at some point I could figure these dreams out. But in all honesty my dreams freak me out. The other night I had a dream that Johnny was dying during a lung surgery and I knew right when his heart stopped. What does this mean? I dunno but I know for a fact that his smoking might have some sort of impact on my dream. I HATE cigarette smoking. I've had deja vu dreams and those are honestly the most difficult dreams to comprehend. Dreaming about an exact moment in the future is very weird and how is it possible?

All I know is that I need to change where my life is headed because right now its headed towards a dark lonely path. I've given so much and now its really time for me to be appreciated. But all I know is that no one can love you until you love your self. These last few years I've known where I was going but now I need to get there.