Symbolic Interactionism (the world is my theater)

The world is our theater and we are merely actors. Life is like an impromptu play that has its blue print but the out come may change. Each society has its rules and expectation, I know I've heard this example be given millions of times but even an elevator has its specific rules that as a society we agree on. When standing in an elevator the rule is that you stand facing the front of the elevator not facing the back. If anyone would do otherwise this would be unacceptable and people would immediately react to what is not normal. We all know that there is a road that we must take but for the most part that includes going to school, getting married, having kids. If people fall out of that basic blue print than we are odd, different, unsuccessful. I really wouldn't say this is the case... but I find my self seeing people try so hard to complete their social obligation without doing it for the right reason. I see girls getting married not for the sake of love but for the sake of marriage, "Its what I'm suppose to do".

One day I do want to get married but not because I feel my clock is ticking, or that all my friends are getting married, or for a god damn ring that will last longer than my life, but because it is an honest relationship. Its with a person that wont give up, like so many others do. Life changes, loves changes, and we must keep the people that truly love us close because those are the ones that cannot be replaced. Family is primarily important to me because they are people that are always there for me as well as a few selective friends.

Although these major events are part of our lives, if we choose to reject fitting into this perfect squares does that make us weird? Are we not accomplished? Are we less than everyone else? I highly doubt it, but thats why people just need to live their lives and not care what others think. Find the road less traveled by and don't look back, don't go looking for life because it will find you, and when it does make sure not to miss it. Good people don't come into peoples lives very often, thats why Its important to hold on.

Knock, Knock

I'm at your door step, hoping you'll hear me.

I keep making excuses... maybe your in the shower. playing a video game. listening to music.

So I wait.... I've been waiting too long

Its getting cold but I have hope.

Hope......

So I wait... I knock... I wait...

But at some point I have to give up

I can't stay here forever.

I knock more loudly.

Please listen.

.

It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

It could happen...

Today I was randomly thinking about an old customer I use to help at WAMU back in Oxnard. Being a teller I always helped him frequently and after about 6 months I noticed he kept having trouble balancing his account. I remember asking what had happened and he explained.

He said that he was a teacher at a local school and he had a weird pain in his arm at work one day but he decided not to report it. It ended up being a tendon in his arm that he had to go get surgery for. His workers comp. wouldn't cover it and on top of that he was unable to pay for his care for his mother and was on the verge of losing his home.

I frequently think of this guy because he was in a good situation he had a good job, a good home and just because of all the medical bills he was losing everything he ever worked for. I always hope things would have worked out for him but you never know. People tend to forget that everything we THINK we have can be taken away. Life brings on obstacles and our plan for life may not always work out.

Sky

The sky is blue which is a fact, but it also is red orange and purple... Sunrise and Sunset............ If I say its red, orange or even purple people tend to stare.. but I see the sky for more then the blueness of the average day, but more for its memorable hellos and goodbyes.

So even if I say the sky is red.. I'll hear "no its blue" but I chose to remember it for what is most preciouse to me. Its sweet goodbyes with a love or a friend.. a closing day... a new begining......

Dreams

I have vivid dreams and sometimes of things I choose to not think about in my daily life. But the truth is that there is no escaping these nightly realizations. For some reason dreams amaze people:we search for meaning within these dreams. Maybe I should keep a dream journal and maybe at some point I could figure these dreams out. But in all honesty my dreams freak me out. The other night I had a dream that Johnny was dying during a lung surgery and I knew right when his heart stopped. What does this mean? I dunno but I know for a fact that his smoking might have some sort of impact on my dream. I HATE cigarette smoking. I've had deja vu dreams and those are honestly the most difficult dreams to comprehend. Dreaming about an exact moment in the future is very weird and how is it possible?

All I know is that I need to change where my life is headed because right now its headed towards a dark lonely path. I've given so much and now its really time for me to be appreciated. But all I know is that no one can love you until you love your self. These last few years I've known where I was going but now I need to get there.

Never Quite Discussed

you're the closest thing i know to love so
let me in
the moon is glowing white
and time's a-wasting
and don't you want to know
what happens when
we start at the start
before it becomes that thing
that broke my heart in two
we've been here before
that place where we dwell until
we find we both want something more

so let's pretend that for a moment
we have never loved before
touch my skin
and i will kiss your lips and
we can both ignore
that feeling of wait,
what happens in time
i know this is cool for now
but i just might change my mind
and leave
you there in the dust
i know that you love me a lot
but it was never quite discussed