Knock, Knock

I'm at your door step, hoping you'll hear me.

I keep making excuses... maybe your in the shower. playing a video game. listening to music.

So I wait.... I've been waiting too long

Its getting cold but I have hope.

Hope......

So I wait... I knock... I wait...

But at some point I have to give up

I can't stay here forever.

I knock more loudly.

Please listen.

.

It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

It could happen...

Today I was randomly thinking about an old customer I use to help at WAMU back in Oxnard. Being a teller I always helped him frequently and after about 6 months I noticed he kept having trouble balancing his account. I remember asking what had happened and he explained.

He said that he was a teacher at a local school and he had a weird pain in his arm at work one day but he decided not to report it. It ended up being a tendon in his arm that he had to go get surgery for. His workers comp. wouldn't cover it and on top of that he was unable to pay for his care for his mother and was on the verge of losing his home.

I frequently think of this guy because he was in a good situation he had a good job, a good home and just because of all the medical bills he was losing everything he ever worked for. I always hope things would have worked out for him but you never know. People tend to forget that everything we THINK we have can be taken away. Life brings on obstacles and our plan for life may not always work out.

Sky

The sky is blue which is a fact, but it also is red orange and purple... Sunrise and Sunset............ If I say its red, orange or even purple people tend to stare.. but I see the sky for more then the blueness of the average day, but more for its memorable hellos and goodbyes.

So even if I say the sky is red.. I'll hear "no its blue" but I chose to remember it for what is most preciouse to me. Its sweet goodbyes with a love or a friend.. a closing day... a new begining......

Dreams

I have vivid dreams and sometimes of things I choose to not think about in my daily life. But the truth is that there is no escaping these nightly realizations. For some reason dreams amaze people:we search for meaning within these dreams. Maybe I should keep a dream journal and maybe at some point I could figure these dreams out. But in all honesty my dreams freak me out. The other night I had a dream that Johnny was dying during a lung surgery and I knew right when his heart stopped. What does this mean? I dunno but I know for a fact that his smoking might have some sort of impact on my dream. I HATE cigarette smoking. I've had deja vu dreams and those are honestly the most difficult dreams to comprehend. Dreaming about an exact moment in the future is very weird and how is it possible?

All I know is that I need to change where my life is headed because right now its headed towards a dark lonely path. I've given so much and now its really time for me to be appreciated. But all I know is that no one can love you until you love your self. These last few years I've known where I was going but now I need to get there.

Never Quite Discussed

you're the closest thing i know to love so
let me in
the moon is glowing white
and time's a-wasting
and don't you want to know
what happens when
we start at the start
before it becomes that thing
that broke my heart in two
we've been here before
that place where we dwell until
we find we both want something more

so let's pretend that for a moment
we have never loved before
touch my skin
and i will kiss your lips and
we can both ignore
that feeling of wait,
what happens in time
i know this is cool for now
but i just might change my mind
and leave
you there in the dust
i know that you love me a lot
but it was never quite discussed

Inspiration

To be inspired or to inspire others?

We are social beings that feed off of each others energy. I sometimes feel disconnected from life.

Or is that being an adult? I want to be part of something great in my lifetime yet as time goes by I feel its becoming less likely.

To be considered successful in life we must fit a blue print. Many people don't fit that blue print. Does that really make us unsuccessful or just different.

As Dr. Choi once said -You are all squares, everyone else is a triangle. To be a triangle you need to cut off part of you.... but would you really cut off your leg or arm to be like someone else? No because that is a part of you-

To be inspired or to inspire.... I'd like a little of both.